On the Art of Active Listening

If I could choose one separate piece of advice for parents, teachers or anyone who is in touch with young people, it is the magic Art of Active Listening. I first learned this technique

when I was teaching adults with special needs, and it truly is simple bordering on ridiculous

but it is... well, magic!

So a more detailed explanation of what this art form entails can be listened to here, by the founder himself - Dr Thomas Gordon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y32aiztIekQ.

But the basic idea is that you as a listener in a specific situation do not:

1. giver orders or make decisions

2. hand out warnings or threats

3. give advice or come up with solutions

4. persuade with the help of logic and/or argumentation

5. moralize

6. criticize

7. praise and confirm that you are of the same opinion

8. make interpretations and/or analyze

9. encourage and comfort

10. joke around and change the subject

Sounds easy, right?? Well at first glance, it might make you wonder what on earth is left then.

So here is an example to illustrate the method, but like everything else it takes practice as we so easily fall back into our own little ways.

Let's say you have a situation where your child is trying to tell you about something that happened in school. It is one of those situations that always upsets you a bit.

1. Let your child tell you without interrupting.

2. Pay attention to the ten guidelines above.

3. When a pause for response comes naturally, simply repeat what you have heard. Be as neutral as possible. Here is an example:

   
   

   Child: "Today when we were playing football, John said I'm no good and he doesn't want to play with me anymore."

   
   

   You: "So John says you're no good at football and he doesn't want to play with you anymore?"

   
   

   Child: "Yes, he is always mean and says things like that to me."

   
   

   You: "So what I hear you say is that he is always saying things like that to you?"

   
   

   Child: "Yes but I am just as good at football as him and I don't wanna be with him anymore."

   
   

   You: "So you're saying you don't want to be with John anymore?"

   
   

   Child: "No, not if he's going to be like that. I have other friends I can play football with."

The child quickly found a solution to his or her own situation. This is a very simplified example, read up on the method if you want, but I promise you - it works magic! Every single time. And the best part of it is it teaches your children to solve their own problems and fills them with a sense of power and self control. There will be more examples as this blog develops because active listening forms the basis of so many of the exercises that will be published here. In the meantime, try it, try it, try it!